Sep. 30, 2004
LAST DAY OF SEPTEMBER
[ General ] - grace - grace@ graceuncensored.com
@ 2:52 pm
how did this happen, september coming to an end? actually, overall, september wasn't the greatest month for me, personally. it's ending much better than it began, which is preferable to the other way around. i have high hopes for october. well, hopes, anyway. or maybe just the one hope.
no matter what happens, it'll end with Halloween, a fine holiday. halloween is a great holiday because it's a holiday at its most fundamental - candy. sure, you have christmas candy, and easter candy, and hannukah candy, and 4th of july candy, and labor day candy, and memorial day candy, and flag day candy, and lincoln's birthday candy. but halloween is the pure holiday, nothing else to cloud the central candy theme, no dead presidents, no labourers, nobody at all rising from the dead, no gifts to buy.
just candy. and i prefer the chocolate, by the way.
i find it mildly annoying that i love chocolate so much. it's such a huge, huge cliche of being a woman, loving the chocolate. but actually, i blame my love for chocolate on my dad. right now he has a box of chocolate covered doughnuts on the counter, a can of chocolate frosting in the fridge, chocolate chip cookies in the cookie jar, and in a bag in his bedroom is a massive quantity of hershey's kisses. and i bet if i rooted around just a little, i could find all kinds of other chocolate goodies lurking around his house.
but halloween - i do like getting dressed up for halloween. one of the photos here on this site, that's me being a fallen angel one halloween. actually, i find that getting dressed up is usually more fun than the actual halloween party. it would be nice to go to a really fun halloween party sometime. one where you bob for apples, stuff like that. maybe a party in a barn. except on the other hand, that sound a little bit chilly.
october, i'm going to make the most of it. perhaps a weenie roast? finished off with some s'mores, really the only consistent reason for living.
Sep. 23, 2004
rubbing people the right way
[ General ] - grace - grace@ graceuncensored.com
@ 11:20 am
as i was giving masssages in a waiting room at the hospital this morning, a well-dressed man came over for a massage. he settled into the very fancy massage chair, with his face in the face cradle. You put your face right down into the face cradle; it's doughnut-shaped and quite comfortable.
an older woman, also well-dressed, who looked like she must have been his mother, walked over. she appeared to be bright, well-groomed, educated. she didn't smell or anything.
she leaned over to talk to her son.
"CAN YOU BREATHE?" she asked him.
i looked at her. and what i wanted to say, what i was longing to say, was, "no, my goal is not to relax people, it's to suffocate them. doing my part to cut down on the excess population."
i said nothing, because, really, the question was too stupid for a response.
the son assured the mother that he was, indeed, breathing.
later, i gave an older man a massage. do you have any pain or tenderness? i asked him before i started. DO I HAVE ANY TENDONITIS? he bellowed at me. i couldn't tell if he was hard of hearing or trying to be cute.
he enjoyed his massage, but then, later, when i was giving another massage, i saw his wife lean over to him. SHE DIDN'T HURT YOU, DID SHE? she asked. nope, he said, felt good. ARE YOU SURE? she insisted. felt good, he said again.
whew. just trying to do my job, attempting to not cause any bodily injury or suffocation anywhere.
ok then,
gs
i ran over shortie!
[ General ] - grace - grace@ graceuncensored.com
@ 11:10 am
last week, my mood being not the best and generally walking around in a very distracted state, i pulled into my parents' carport. shortie, one of their two pekinese, strained at his leash as i pulled in. he's always frantic to GET IN THE CAR; like me, he always wants to go someplace. (I, however, never whine about it, and once i'm actually in the car, i don't frantically try to leap from the back to the front, and i never, EVER sneeze on the windows).
i pulled in slowly, sure that although shortie isn't the brightest bulb on the planet (i wonder if they have IQ tests for dogs? if so, i'm guessing shortie wouldn't do so well. how bright can a creature be who spends much of his free time licking the arm of the chair?), he'd have enough sense to get out of the way when i parked. Both dogs, shortie and gizmo, are always frantic to KILL THE CARS that come along when they're going for a walk.
as i was about to stop, shortie's frantic barking turned into horrible, horrible YIPS of pain. OH MY GOD I'VE RUN OVER SHORTIE. i panicked - should i keep pulling up, or would it crush even more of his tiny little bones? the YIPPING continued, i jumped out of the car, and there was shortie, looking up at me with his little front paw sagging. OH MY GOD I BROKE SHORTIE'S FOOT.
dad hurried out of the house; i always suspected dad was afraid that somebody would, indeed, run over the dogs, and now i'd proven him right. i explained what happened, tearfully apologizing.
dad loaded shortie into his car to take him to the vet.
and then, as dad went to get his keys...shortie LEAPT into the back seat. he was going to get a ride! dad came back out and we watched as shortie romped from front to back seat, finally coming to rest in the driver's place, clearly ready to start his long-dreamed for driving lessons so he could go for a spin whenever he wanted.
dad and i looked at each other. "maybe he's ok," dad finally said.
"Yep," said I.
dad took a very chagrined shortie out of the car. the dog limped around a little, but clearly, no serious harm had been done, no bones crushed.
whew.
now, when i go to my parents' house, dad is always there, ready to leap between the car and the dogs. i told him that maybe shortie learned a lesson and wouldn't run under my wheel again.
but shortie remains fully shortie-like, straining to get in the car if the door is open, leaping for the wheels whenever possible. he IS a very cute and endearing little dog, despite his lack of common sense. so i'm now doing my very best to not run him over anymore.
ok then,
gs
Sep. 21, 2004
changing seasons
[ General ] - grace - grace@ graceuncensored.com
@ 6:09 pm
when i lived in LA, sometimes, usually in February, i'd think "what time of year is it?" Because it was warm and sunny all year around. Paradise? Yes, paradise. People would complain bitterly if it rained a little (since it really never does rain in southern california), and i always wondered what would happen if it would snow - the rain brought about thousands of traffic accidents, and i was sure that snow would shut the city down.
here in springfield, there's little chance of not knowing it's february. but i have to admit, even though fall is surely encroaching, it feels like spring to me. i know i must be hallucinating the daffodils and tulips blooming on my path, i'm sure the baby bunnies are an optical illusion. life has taken an unexpected and delightful turn, and even though i'm quite sure that i'm not actually wearing rose-colored glasses, the light is suddenly warm and soft, the air crystal clear.
i guess i've thought of myself as an optimistic pessimist. a pessimistic optimist? i generally hope things will be OK, but oftentimes have an underlying fear they won't be. pessimistic optimist. but now, suddendly, things are better than i dreamed they could be. optimistic optimist, now. life is good.
today i read a 2005 farmer's almanac, which says this winter is going to be COLDER AND WORSE THAN EVER BEFORE. bring it on, i'm not afraid of the bitter cold and ice and snow. life is very good.
Sep. 07, 2004
going home
[ General ] - grace - grace@ graceuncensored.com
@ 1:26 pm
i'd rather not. i'd rather stay here. but i'm leaving imminently, and i'll be home tonight, and i wish i wasn't. maybe it won't be as bad as i think it'll be. but i'm trying to be more realistic about things in life, and therefore i realize it will probably be worse.
no expectations anymore about anything.
too bad i'm not walking back to springfield. i wonder how long that would take, walking from denver to spfld? probably quite a while. it sure would keep me busy and out of trouble. biking, though, would be better. faster, anyway. i need a good bike.
plus, if i was walking, i'd need a tent and stuff, i suppose. and that would involve a backpack and a bunch of supplies. unless i managed to walk to a motel every night. but i bet there are some long stretches where there aren't any hotels around.
i'd rather just head out the door here and start walking, completely unencumbered.
i've been re-reading bill bryson's book "a walk in the woods," about walking the appalachian trail, and i kind of want to do that. except the time for that is in the spring, not the end of summer.
i kind of need to find somebody to walk with me. although the thought of going by myself is very appealing. but probably too treacherous, what with the bears and psycho killers and whatnot lurking about everywhere.
whew. ok then. next time, i walk.
gs
Sep. 04, 2004
mile-high city
[ General ] - grace - grace@ graceuncensored.com
@ 1:43 pm
greetings from denver. i'm here helping my friend christine move into her new apartment, although i'm really here because my reaction to badness is to flee. generally, i've actually ended up moving from one state to another, but right now i'm just vacationing. right now, anyway; denver is kind of nice. could the winters be that bad? worse than illinois winters? there are good restaurants everywhere, and all the mountains which are beckoning me to climb all the way to the top of them. i wonder where my hiking boots are?
we had to get up at 6:00 this morning to rent a truck for the moving, and as we lugged box after heavy box into her new place, an oldish woman walked down the street. she didn't look insane, but she kept yelling "QUACK! QUACK!" just like a duck, and she seemed quite angry at herself, and every once in a while she yelled something about heroin and crack.
i said to christine, "there's me in a year."
For some reason, christine packed quite a few boxes with nothing but books. so each box weighed about four hundred thousand pounds. her brother-in-law, greg, explained to her that she could have filled them only partially with books, and the other part with something a little lighter, like cotton.
but we managed to get all the stuff into the apartment. Ok, really, mostly greg did all the hard work, but he's big and strong and was amazingly sanguine about lugging huge armchairs and unwieldy boxes all by himself.
whew.
ok then,
gs
Sep. 03, 2004
sleeve
[ General ] - grace - grace@ graceuncensored.com
@ 2:17 pm
ok, the "sleep, perchance to dream," is actually from Hamlet. There's a poem about sleep by John Keats, this is it:
To sleep
O soft embalmer of the still midnight,
Shutting, with careful fingers and benign,
Our gloom-pleased eyes, embowered from the light,
Enshaded in forgetfulness divine:
O soothest Sleep! if so it please thee, close,
In midst of this thine hymn, my willing eyes,
Or wait the "Amen", ere thy hoppy throws
Around my bed its lulling charities.
Then save me, or the passed day will shine
Upon my pillow, breeding many woes, -
Save me from curious conscience, that still lords
Its strength for darkness, bun-owing like a mole;
Turn the key deftly in the oiled wards,
And. seal the hushed casket of my soul.
But there's nothing about a raveled sleeve of care in there. i can't find it on the internet anywhere. But Keats' poem is a good one, and expresses how i feel quite nicely. sleep is good.
ok then,
gs
Sep. 02, 2004
4:27 a.m.
[ General ] - grace - grace@ graceuncensored.com
@ 4:48 am
how is it possible, being so physically exhausted, and certainly having no desire whatsoever to be conscious, that sleep is not within my grasp? "To sleep, perchance to dream..." there are lots of good poems about sleep. "Raveling up the...something something...strands of care." that's part of a poem about sleep that i liked so much that i wrote it down and pasted it on my wall. I wonder what i did with it. would this be a good time to look? maybe tomorrow.
i read an article about sleep recently; the writer said there's something weird about sleep, the fact that you're lying there, completely dead to the world and exposed.
it is true, if you think about it; you're certainly at your most vulnerable when sleeping. maybe that's the reason people want to be in relationships at their most basic and fundamental level - to have somebody to lie there beside you, as you protect each other from the dark.
the worst thing is when you spend the day craving sleep, longing to shut your eyes and escape reality for hours and hours, a delicious if brief reprieve from the world, and your head finally hits the pillow and you sink down and you're out...but then, suddenly, wide awake, mind whirring.
4:37 now. it's been an hour, i've puttered around, tidied things up, done some nighttime organization, i must fall asleep again so i can get up at the crack of dawn and run and run and run, in order to wear myself out, so that tomorrow night, ah, the lure and promise of tomorrow night...sleep will last.
sleep now. shhhh.
ok then,
gs
|
|
  |
|
